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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26415943">Home Away From Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeglectedGnome/pseuds/NeglectedGnome'>NeglectedGnome</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Away (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Convienently Ignoring Matt's Existence, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Near Death Experiences, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Yearning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:54:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26415943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeglectedGnome/pseuds/NeglectedGnome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been several months since they underwent those terrifying seven minutes making their decent to the Martian surface.</p><p>Ram and Emma struggle to keep things professional.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emma Green/Ram Arya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you to everyone who has been enjoying slipping into my headspace while reading this. This is my first stint into writing fanfic and the comments have been really quite heartening to receive.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ram sat in front of his computer, frowning at the text it displayed. His fingers gently tapped against the back of the screen, the only noise in the otherwise silent room. NASA had sent an assessment which he wanted to finish before he called it a night but his focus was entirely elsewhere. After rereading the same paragraph for the fourth time he placed the tablet down and leaned back in his chair taking in a deep breath and rubbing his eyes. </p><p>Three months. Three months they had been living amidst the sandstorms and rust coloured dust. Three months that this magnificent red desolation had been home. </p><p>Three months since Emma had firmly shut down any further discussions about what transpired between them on their trip to the red planet. </p><p>Ram shook his head to dislodge the trail of thought and exhaled in a long sigh. He leaned forward again to continue picking his way through NASA's report when he noticed Emma standing in the doorway. </p><p>"Don't make me order you to rest," she said jokingly, though her eyes betrayed the concern behind the message.</p><p>Ram gave her a small smile.</p><p>"Sometimes it feels we have all the time in the world," he mused, gesturing to the vast emptiness that surrounded them. He continued to stare out the window for a moment before turning back to his Commander. "And other times I can feel it slipping away faster and faster out of my grasp."</p><p>Emma's smile wavered as she unconsciously shifted her weight from the foot over the threshold to Ram's room back to the foot that remained in the hallway. </p><p>"Ram-"</p><p>"But this report," Ram interjected, "can actually make time stop. We're talking about Mars here, how do they manage to make it so DRY."</p><p>Emma's eyes glinted as she caught his unintentional pun and her smile returned. </p><p>"I don't think you can really credit a bunch on scientists back on Earth with Mars' climate." </p><p>Ram stared at her blankly for a moment before unleashing a grin across his face that made him look years younger. He threw his head back and his chest reverberated with a deep laugh. He leaned back down, placing his forehead into the palms of his outstretched hands, elbows resting on his knees. His back continued to shake as the laughs subsided. He tilted his head back up and stared at her through his extended fingertips, his eyes still shining in delight.</p><p>"That was horrendous."</p><p>"My humour is a work in progress," Emma replied with a small nod and a smile.</p><p>Ram didn't reply as he sat back up, still grinning. His eyes had changed, though. The mirth was still there, shining in the reflection from the window, but something deeper, something heavier had crept into his gaze.</p><p>"Anyways," Emma shifted from his eyes, glancing instead behind him. She found the picture of Ram standing with his brother.</p><p>"Get some sleep, Captain." She turned on her heel and made her way down the hallway thinking to herself how much more Ram looked like his brother when he laughed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A storm raged outside. Emma used to love storms back on Earth, listening to the rain had always calmed her. This... not so much. She listened to the creaking of their tiny outpost in the middle of the barren wasteland and tried not to think of the endless things that could make it inhospitable. Sitting on her bed she began another check of their life support systems and was just finishing when a knock sounded at her door. </p><p>"Come on in." Her voice didn't betray any of the anxiety she was feeling. </p><p>Ram poked his head in and smiled. The storm felt a little farther away as he stepped into her room and sat down in the empty chair. She took a breath to clear her head. </p><p>Ram had become something of a haven for her in their time aboard the Atlas, and yet she still felt a need to be guarded. She put down her computer and pulled her legs up defensively to her chest. </p><p>"I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing?" Ram said with an easy smile.</p><p>Her eyes glanced back towards the window. "I don't think I'll ever get used to these," she gestured towards the window and the storm beyond it.</p><p>"I don't think any of us will," Ram agreed, glancing out the window himself. "How many times have you checked over the systems so far?" he asked, turning his attention back to her. </p><p>Emma narrowed her eyes at him. "There's nothing wrong with triple checking when the stakes are this high," she began. </p><p>Ram dropped his shoulders and threw up his hands. "Oh by all means Commander, Atlas is your baby, we all know how you care about her."</p><p>"It's not just Atlas I care about," she began, thinking about the crew aboard. She tripped over the rest of her sentence when she noticed Ram's shoulders tense. She didn't meet his gaze. </p><p>"Atlas keeps us all safe, is what I'm saying. That's what she was designed for. That's what is important."</p><p>"So Atlas was designed for Mars storms."</p><p>It wasn't a question. Emma looked back at Ram in confusion. "Well of course Atlas was designed for Mars storms, she was-" she cut herself off. </p><p>Ram was smiling. </p><p>Emma scowled.</p><p>Ram stood up. "Let's go for a walk," he said abruptly. In a moment he had already walked out of her room. </p><p>Emma stared incredulously at the empty doorway, but didn't move. Ram leaned back into view, grasping the doorframe to steady himself. "Coming?"</p><p>"Where are we going?" She asked, hesitantly scooting to the edge of her bed. </p><p>"For some fresh air." He disappeared back into the hallway. </p><p>"One thing Mars has in incredibly short supply," she replied, moving quickly from her bed to catch up to him down the hallway, "is fresh air-"</p><p>She almost bumped right into him, standing just outside her door. She brought her hand out quickly and it landed against his chest as the rest of her body came to a sudden stop inches from his. The force of the contact was enough to push him back a step in the reduced gravity. </p><p>Ram simply responded, "Well then it's a good thing we brought Kwesi," as if standing close enough that she could feel his breath while he spoke was perfectly normal.</p><p>She stood frozen for another fraction of a second before finally pulling her hand away and taking a step back. His shirt was softer than it looked, she noticed. Why did she notice that?</p><p>Without missing a beat Ram turned back and made his way down the hallway.</p><p>She absently wiped her hand against her own shirt, as if to replace the tingling in her fingertips where they had pushed into his chest.</p><p>"Wait-" what was it he had said? "Kwesi?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ram worked to keep his breathing steady. Was he walking too fast? He could hear her following behind him now, as he led the way through their little complex. He resisted the urge to place his hand against his chest where he could still feel each point that her fingertips had pressed into him... and stayed there much longer than he'd have guessed. </p><p>No.</p><p>Ram shook his head. Emma had been clear about this. Her expression had been unreadable, but he could guess what she had been thinking. He let his face fall to neutral again as she caught up and fell into place beside him. </p><p>"It's a good thing we brought Kwesi?" She repeated.</p><p>He nodded and gave her a little smile. </p><p>They arrived at the greenhouse. Kwesi had been busy indeed since arriving on the red planet. Rows of plants spread out beyond them, all designed to thrive in the harshest conditions. </p><p>"Fresh air," Emma murmured, feeling one of the nearby leaves, "funny."</p><p>Ram was staring more than he knew he should, but with her attention so focused on the plants he found it difficult to pull his gaze away. </p><p>Leadership became Emma. He knew that even now she was still thinking about the storm outside, about all the threats to the crew she felt responsible for. She didn't let it show. She never let it show. </p><p>"Amazing," she breathed. </p><p>"Entirely," Ram replied, his eyes quickly shifting back to the plants as she looked back up to him. </p><p>"I thought what Kwesi had growing in that tiny room on our way here was like a little haven for me, but this," she turned back to the plants, "this is just incredible. This feels like home."</p><p>Emma continued to look out at the greenery, and Ram watched her shoulders begin to relax. He smiled. </p><p>"Kwesi tells me these are ready to eat. He's going to harvest some for dinner this evening." He reached around past her in the narrow aisle towards a nearby leafy green. He grimaced as his torso brushed against her back, waiting to feel her body tense from the contact. </p><p>Except it didn't. </p><p>Ram realized he was holding his breath. He exhaled slowly as he broke off a leaf and held it out to her in front of them. As he breathed in again the air was laced with her smell. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to savour this unexpected moment. He was grateful for his surgeon's skill to keep his hands still. </p><p>Emma reached out slowly and took it from his hand. She grabbed it delicately, not letting her hand touch his. He felt her inhale and realized she had been holding her breath, too. </p><p>He broke off a piece for himself and moved back away from her again, his body now cold where it had just been against hers. </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>The skin on her neck where Ram had been breathing on it just a moment ago felt like it would self combust. She let out a slow controlled breath, and hoped Ram wouldn't notice the shakiness in her hand as she took a bite of the lettuce. She chewed slowly to buy herself time to calm her heart rate, which had spiked the moment he reached around her, pressing his body to hers. </p><p>She closed her eyes. Hopefully it was a convincing show of her appreciation of the Martian vegetable, which in truth she barely even tasted. What was happening? She should be furious. Just a few months ago she would have been livid. This was crossing a line. He should know better. SHE should know better. Yet here she was, heart racing after the simplest of contact between them.</p><p><i>Get yourself together Green</i>, she thought to herself.</p><p>She could practically feel his eyes watching her, reading her every movement. He was unfortunately growing more talented in that regard as the days passed by. What must he be reading from her now? Irritation? Anger? Or maybe something a little closer to the truth... that even she had no idea why she couldn't stop thinking about what his lips would feel like against her neck.</p><p>She opened her eyes.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>The tension was back in her shoulders as she sat there chewing with her eyes hidden behind her eyelids. He had gone too far. When she did open her eyes again something seemed... different. Ram looked at her hopefully as he took another bite. </p><p>She didn't meet his gaze. He swallowed.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>He opened his mouth to try and think of something to say to break the tension.</p><p>"This tastes better than I remember," she said suddenly, holding out her half eaten leaf in front of her.</p><p>Ram just froze with his jaw hanging. He knit his brows together in confusion and looked at his own lettuce. "Oh?"</p><p>"I mean it could just be that I've been consuming a steady supply of freeze dried vegetables, which really barely deserve the name. But this lettuce is delicious."</p><p>Ram looked between Emma and his own leaf, which if he was being perfectly honest, tasted exactly like lettuce. He took another bite.</p><p>Emma turned to look at him as he crunched down on his leaf. </p><p>He expected severity. Sterness. Anger even. But she just glowed. "It's good right?" She asked, almost eager. Her smile was contageous and he found himself grinning back at her. He nodded.</p><p>The tension had somehow vanished again, quickly as it had come. She reached forward and broke off another leaf, offering it to him. He held out his hand and felt her palm gently graze his fingertips as she placed the leaf into his grasp. She let her hand rest there as she looked up at him.</p><p>"Thank you," she said. </p><p>Ram didn't move a muscle besides the one eyebrow he cocked. He could practically hear his own heartbeat. He didn't breathe.</p><p>She nodded towards the window on the far side of the room. Ram turned to see the storm had begun to die down. He looked back as she gently pulled her hand back. </p><p>"I guess the fresh air helped," she said quietly.</p><p>"Mission accomplished then."</p><p>Emma smiled at him before breaking off another piece of lettuce and taking a bite.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few weeks since their trip to the greenhouse and Emma was doing her best to keep herself busy. Pegasus 2 had just arrived safely yesterday and everyone was in high spirits. Emma was reviewing the manifest and preparing for her excursion outdoors to retrieve the supplies. Ram would be joining her, their first real time together since the greenhouse. He had been giving her space, for which she was grateful. </p><p>She resented herself for needing space in the first place. Her mind wandered too easily, she shouldn't have this much trouble keeping herself composed. Just this morning she had found herself intently watching the way the muscles in his shoulders moved across his back while he poked through the rations for something to eat for breakfast. They had been alone in the little mess hall, the air an electrified current running between them. She had quickly retreated to her quarters to finish her work. </p><p><i>Reckless</i>, she chastised herself.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>The briefing for their excursion had been relatively straightforward. Ram stood next to his commander in the airlock, eyes forward. She was checking her suit over for the eighth time. </p><p>"At least we don't have to worry about drifting off into oblivion," Ram joked. </p><p>She turned from inspecting her gloves to him, her expression giving nothing away. Ram gave her a small smile, and resisted the urge to give her arm a comforting squeeze. </p><p>She turned her gaze back to the door, "True. Still plenty of things for us to worry about though."</p><p>Ram turned back to the door and grasped the handle, cranking it open. The Martian wind entered the chamber and he backed up letting Emma exit the airlock first. As they stepped out into the barren landscape he turned back to her. </p><p>"I won't let anything happen to you, Commander," he said quietly. </p><p>She turned back towards him. It wasn't too long ago that would have earned him a stern look. Now she simply gave him a small smile and said, "I thought keeping you safe was my job."</p><p>He looked down to his feet before his eyes said what he was so strongly keeping his mouth from letting slip. When he looked back up Emma had begun leading the way towards Pegasus 2.</p><p>Ram took a deep breath and followed.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>The unloading happened without note. Emma was working up quite the sweat though. She really, <i>really</i> wanted to wipe her forehead.  She was beat, and looking forward to a shower. She returned to collect the last pack only to see the cargo hold was empty. Curious, she turned to see Ram was just finishing up his own section. She looked back to her pile and saw the last pack sitting snug where she had secured it. Right. She had already moved it. She was more exhausted then she thought, sitting down in the empty cargo bay.</p><p>Ram approached, stretching his arm out across his body to ease the aching muscles. "Everything alright, Commander?"</p><p>She waved him off. "Just tired. It's been a long day."</p><p>"Agreed. I think celebration is in order tonight. Misha says his first batch of Martian vodka is ready. He's been saving it for Pegasus' landing." Ram gave her a skeptical look. "I'm almost afraid to taste it."</p><p>Emma could only half listen. Her heart was racing again, why did this always happen around him. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"</p><p>Ram's body language changed in an instant. He stepped in front of her and leaned down to look at her face. She tried to wave him off again. She was still sweating, despite having taken a rest. </p><p>"Emma, how are you feeling?" Ram's eyes were intense, his lashes fluttering as he scrutinized her face. She liked his eye lashes and without a thought told him as much.</p><p>It only seemed to make him more uneasy. Strange, she'd have thought he would react differently.</p><p>Wait. <i>What</i> had she just said. She tried to scramble back into the cargo hold to get away from him, to get some distance between them. </p><p>"Emma!" He sounded concerned. What did he have to be concerned about. <i>What had she just said</i>. She tried to take a deep breath to clear her head. Her lungs burned. </p><p>Ram was behind her in an instant, his hand gripping her shoulder tightly while he ran his other hand along the equipment on her suit.</p><p>"Emma your suit has been punctured. You've been leaking oxygen for god knows how long."</p><p>Emma turned back to look at him, fear digging its claws into her chest. Her heart was racing, her breathing rapid. </p><p>"We need to go. NOW." He grasped her arm, pulling her back towards the Atlas.</p><p>As she stepped off the ledge of the cargo hold a wave of dizziness knocked her off balance. Ram held her steady.</p><p>A moment later everything went dark.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He caught her when she first stumbled, tightening his grip under her arm, so he was able to keep her from falling when her whole body went limp. Ram's mind was racing. </p><p>Hypoxia.</p><p>All signs pointed to it. How long had her brain and lungs been starved for oxygen? That even she missed the signs he hoped meant it was slow. Why hadn't he <i>checked</i> on her.</p><p>She had been right. She had wanted to keep things professional. Instead he was busy giving her space instead of doing his damn job. He cursed, his own self loathing burning like a bad taste in his mouth. </p><p>He gently laid her on the ground before him and quickly checked for any other signs of damage to her suit. Nothing. Just the one hole. Okay. He lifted her into a sitting position and then hoisted her up to his shoulder, keeping his hand gripped over the hole in her suit. She felt lighter. He knew this was just the reduced gravity on Mars but he couldn't shake the feeling it made her all the more fragile. He lifted his head and set his sights on the Atlas, abandoning the packed cargo behind him.</p><p>Moving was awkward. Too fast and he risked sending them both tumbling and potentially damaging her suit further, too slow and he might not make it back in time. He might already be out of time. Why hadn't he <i>checked on her.</i> He couldn't tell if she was still breathing. If her heart was still beating. If he was already alone in a world without her in it. </p><p>No.</p><p>All he could do was slowly, so excruciatingly slowly, close the distance between them and their little refuge on Mars. The crew had already been alerted to the situation and were waiting aboard the Atlas to help. He just had to<i> get there.</i></p><p>As he approached the airlock he released one of his hands from Emma, keeping the one holding the hole in place, and grasped the handle, yanking the door open. He moved inside quickly and closed the airlock behind them. The lights flashed red as the room returned to a hospitable state for its human occupants. </p><p>He slid her down from his shoulder gently and for the first time in what really was just a few short minutes looked at her face.</p><p>Her lips were blue. Ram's hand flew to her chest and relaxed a fraction when he felt it rise and fall slightly. She was still breathing.<i> She was still breathing.</i></p><p>As the red lights flashed back to normal he ripped off her helmet and his gloves to check her pulse. Weak, but it was there. He unlocked his own helmet as the rest of the crew flooded the airlock to get Emma's suit off. He shimmied out of his own quickly.</p><p>Misha scoffed at the hole in her suit, running his fingers over the tear. "We'll need to figure out how this happened."</p><p>Ram nodded, only half paying attention. His eyes hadn't left Emma. Her breaths were coming deeper now, the blue slowly fading from her lips as the air entered her oxygen starved lungs. </p><p>He scooped her up in his arms as the crew finished removing her suit and checking over its damage. Her eyes started to flutter as he carried her towards the crew cabins.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>As Emma came to she felt warm arms lifting her off the ground. Her head ached. Her lungs burned. She took in a deep breath and smelled a light musky cologne and... coffee? How pleasant. She took another breath and savoured the comfort the smell brought her. She felt safe. Where was she? What was happening? She opened her eyes slowly to the harsh lights around her.</p><p>Memories flooded back to her. Unloading the Pegasus 2. Ram's concerned expression. Everything going dark. </p><p>She instinctively grabbed the arm supporting her legs. Bare skin. No suit. They weren't outside anymore. </p><p>"Welcome back, Commander," a quiet voice said above her. </p><p>She turned her head up to see Ram staring down at her. His gaze was intense, but she held it. Relief and gratitude flooded over her. He must have carried her back from the landing site after she... </p><p>"What happened?" She asked softly, letting her head rest against his chest and closing her eyes again. She felt his grip on her tighten. </p><p>"There was a tear in your suit. You were probably slowly leaking oxygen a good deal of time while we were unloading." He paused. </p><p>She tilted her eyes back up to him. His eyes were forward. He'd stopped walking. </p><p>"I should have checked on you."</p><p>"Ram, you couldn't have-"</p><p>His eyes flashed back down to her. "I should have checked on you. I promised I wouldn't let anything happen to you."</p><p>Some foggy part of her brain screamed at her, but she lifted her hand anyways and rested it against the side of his face. She could feel his beard tickling her palm. </p><p>"I'm okay Ram. Thanks to you."</p><p>He stared at her, his gaze heavy. If he was startled by the contact he didn't show it. A moment later he sighed and closed his eyes and leaned into her palm.</p><p>"I thought I'd lost you," he said without opening his eyes. </p><p>"I'm not going anywhere," she breathed, running her thumb along his cheekbone before realizing the intimacy of the action and retracting her hand. Ram opened his eyes. </p><p>He carried her the rest of the way to her quarters in silence. Emma was exhausted, and could barely keep her eyes open. Ram shifted back into doctor mode as he checked her pulse and breathing before he let her get some rest. </p><p>"It's curious you missed so many of the signs, normally an abnormal rapid heart rate is a clear indicator," Ram said, mostly just to himself.</p><p>Emma finally slid into her covers and felt sleep quickly claiming her as she replied, "that wasn't abnormal, not when I'm around you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma woke slowly, the sun warm on her face. For just a moment she was back on Earth, waking up on just another Sunday morning. As she opened her eyes the fantasy vanished. Instead, memories of the previous day came flooding back. </p>
<p>Ram. </p>
<p>He was sitting in a chair next to her with his feet up on her bed. His arms were folded across his chest and his head rested against the back of the chair. He was fast asleep. </p>
<p>She glanced to the clock. She must have been asleep since yesterday, though it was still quite early in the morning. No one would be up yet. She turned back to Ram.  </p>
<p>Without any actual proof she knew he had been here all night. He wouldn't have left her side. The sun on her face paled compared to the warmth that flowed through her knowing Ram had stayed. She didn't bother trying to chastise herself for thinking like that. Not anymore.</p>
<p>Much like when he laughed he looked younger while he slept. She watched his chest rising and falling evenly and found herself trying to match his rhythm. He was wearing the same shirt he'd been wearing when they visited the greenhouse. She could feel the phantom softness under her fingertips even now.</p>
<p>She closed her eyes and thought about the events of yesterday. She grimaced a little thinking about her oxygen starved brain confessing her admiration of his eyelashes. Certainly not the <i>worst</i> thing she could have said, but still something most people would keep to themselves. And he wouldn't let it be, he'd be cracking jokes before long. Maybe he'd forget. It was a rather stressful moment.</p>
<p>She thought of the way his smooth skin felt under her fingertips when she'd touched his face, and the look in his eyes when she did. She cracked an eye to peek at Ram. Still fast asleep, though her breathing definitely wasn't matching his rhythm anymore. She took a deep breath and closed her eye again.</p>
<p>Things would change now, except they couldn't. What a mess. Emma sighed quietly and let herself drift off back to sleep.</p>
<p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p>
<p>Emma awoke to a noise at her door. Her eyes flashed open to an empty chair next to her. The noise sounded at the door again, followed by a quiet curse. Curious, Emma moved to the door and opened it. </p>
<p>Ram stood there, awkwardly trying to hold two cups of coffee in one hand and attempting to get her door open. Judging by the coffee spilled down his shirt he hadn't been very successful. Emma smiled. Ram jumped at her sudden presence. More coffee joined the rest.</p>
<p>"Oh shit, did I wake you?" </p>
<p>"Worth it, seeing you in this state," she chuckled, accepting one of the coffees from him. He had given her the one that hadn't spilled. "Come here."</p>
<p>She moved back into her room, taking a sip and grabbing a cloth from a nearby cabinet. Ram followed her in, looking down at the mess he'd made. He held his hand out for the cloth but Emma pressed it against his chest herself.</p>
<p>Ram became a statue, his entire body instantly going rigid. She continued pressing the cloth down along the spill, stopping just above his belt. She offered the cloth back to him, and the statue took it, gripping it tightly in his fist. </p>
<p>"Th- Thank you," he stammered. </p>
<p>"Can't have my Captain looking sloppy," she smiled, returning to sit on her bed and offering Ram the chair. He sat quickly, holding his coffee in his lap. Emma took another sip of hers, staring out the window. </p>
<p><i>That was just mean</i>, she scolded herself.</p>
<p>Ram cleared his throat before speaking. "How are you feeling this morning? You gave us quite the scare yesterday."</p>
<p>"Better," she said simply. "Like a new woman." She turned back to Ram. </p>
<p>He nodded. "Good to hear. No headaches? Vision problems?"</p>
<p>Emma shook her head.</p>
<p>"Excellent." Ram looked uncomfortable. "Listen," he began, "there's something else I want to discuss."</p>
<p>Emma tightened her grip on her cup.</p>
<p>"Yesterday was a lapse in judgement," he continued, dropping his eyes to his own coffee. "I let my personal feelings get in the way of my job. I won't let it happen again." His eyes returned to hers.</p>
<p>Emma's body turned to ice in an instant. She held his gaze as her body screamed and fought inside her against the avalanche of conflicting emotions. No. No no no no no. Her stomach threatened to eject the coffee that until a moment ago had been warming her body. She couldn't move. Couldn't think. Couldn't react. Couldn't let him see. She dropped her eyes to her coffee this time. </p>
<p>
  <i>Please.</i>
</p>
<p>"I understand."</p>
<p>
  <i>Don't do this. </i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma didn't give herself the luxury of feeling sorry for her predicament. Not even once in the weeks since Ram had finally wormed his way in past her walls and dropped a bomb, leaving emotional debris in his wake. She was stronger than that. Instead she threw herself into work. She was a professional and she had a very important job. </p><p>Unfortunately that job had a lot of downtime. </p><p>She found herself in Kwesi's garden, inspecting the plants for the fourth time this week. Making her way through the rows she bent to examine each plant. They had all been assigned a number but she had given each their own name, remembering them all had been a good distraction. Those were in short supply on Mars. </p><p>She was halfway through when the door to the greenhouse opened and she turned to see Ram entering. She locked her expression into that of a commander. </p><p>She nodded to him. "Captain."</p><p>"Just wanted to go over the excursion this afternoon with you, Commander," he said reservedly.</p><p>"You're going out with Lu to collect rock and soil samples." She turned to inspect a plant. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Was there something wrong with NASA's guidelines?" She turned back to him when he didn't immediately reply. </p><p>"No. It's just-" he stammered, "I wanted to-"</p><p>Emma cut him off. "If you have any issues with the orders I'll be happy to go over them with you, Captain." Her tone was final.</p><p>Ram gave her a look that chipped at her carefully constructed facade of control, but ultimately just replied, "Aye, Commander." </p><p>He left her to the plants and silence once again. She leaned against the table and closed her eyes letting out a shakey breath. 

</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Ram closed the door to the greenhouse behind him slowly. He knew he couldn't fault her for being so formal with him now. This was his doing. This was what he wanted. </p><p>
  <i>This was his fault. </i>
</p><p>His hand was still on the handle to the door, and a part of him wanted to rip it back open and tell her he'd been rash. That he made a mistake. That this could work without sacrificing their professional integrity. </p><p>With a sigh he let go of the handle.</p><p>There was work to be done and second guessing himself wasn't doing anyone any good. He needed to find Lu to finish preparations for their excursion.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ram would always be in awe everytime he stepped out onto the Martian surface. It was breathtaking. The orange sky dipping behind the mountains of red rock and sheer cliffs in the distance filled him with a reverence he never experienced on Earth. He turned to share his excitement with his partner but Lu just carried on forward. Right. Lu.</p><p>There was a knot growing in the pit of his stomach. His excursion with Em- <i>Commander Green</i>, had been weeks ago and yet he was still often finding himself expecting to have her at his side. To share this thoughts with. His jokes. Even just a comfortable silence.</p><p>But he put an end to that. Now it was just business. </p><p>Lu turned back towards him, "Coming, Captain?"</p><p>"Yes," he said and quickly closed the door behind him and continued forward.</p><p>They were going out farther today, collecting samples from the base of the mountains. It would be good to get some distance between him and the Atlas. From her. </p><p>The work was monotonous and he quickly fell into a rhythm. Collect a sample. Tag the vial. Store it in his pack. Walk to the next location. Sample. Tag. Store. Walk. Sample. Tag. Store. Walk.</p><p>He didn't even notice that no one had checked in for some time. </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Emma was busy reviewing her latest report before she sent it  off to NASA when she heard a commotion from the communication module. She left her desk to go check in.</p><p>Kwesi was calling the crew back in, and gestured to a screen when she entered the room. It was satellite images of the Utopia Basin, with a large dust storm rolling in from the East. She checked the time stamps on the images, the storm was rolling in fast. </p><p>She turned back to Kwesi, "This storm wasn't even supposed to enter the basin. When did it change course?" </p><p>"About 15 minutes ago, and it began picking up considerable speed." Kwesi pressed the communication switch. "Captain Arya, please report in," His voice was tense. </p><p>Emma looked to him, "What's wrong?"</p><p>Misha replied from the corner, "Lu is already on her way back but Ram isn't responding."</p><p>Emma stepped to Kwesi and pressed the communication switch, "Captain we are having difficulty with your system, please respond."</p><p>No reply. </p><p>She switched to Lu. "Lu do you have a visual on Ram?"</p><p>"Yes commander, but he's at least a kilometer from my position if he has followed the plan. How would you like me to proceed."</p><p>Emma's heart began to race. The storm was almost upon them, just minutes away.</p><p>She turned back to Kwesi, "How long has it been since Ram checked in?" </p><p>"Not since 1700, Commander."</p><p>She looked at the time, 1830. Over an hour and a half since contact. She wanted to unleash a verbal assault on Kwesi for not addressing the lack of communication earlier.</p><p>Keep calm.</p><p>"Lu, can you reach him before the storm wall hits?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>
  <i>Keep calm.</i>
</p><p>Lu could not reach him before the storm. If she sent her after him not only would they would both be trapped when it hit but likely unable to even find each other when the dust kicked up let alone navigate back to saftey. No, Lu should return. </p><p>She knew it was the right answer. Being Commander meant making tough calls. But she <i>would not</i> just leave him. Not <i>him</i>.</p><p>She pressed the switch. "Lu return to the Atlas."</p><p>Kwesi looked appalled. Misha just nodded to himself.</p><p>While flying debris was unlikely to damage their suits it was  a potential threat. She would be able to order a party to venture out after the storm subsided to search, anything sooner would be reckless. A glance to the clock told her Ram would have at most 20 hours of oxygen left, barring any complications. </p><p>Except Martian storms could last days before they blew themselves out. </p><p>Emma moved towards the airlock and pulled out her suit. She couldn't send anyone else on a reckless mission, but she could go herself.</p><p>"Commander."</p><p>Misha's voice was soft, but said volumes. She hadn't even heard him approach but felt his hand gently rest on her shoulder. </p><p>She couldn't keep calm.</p><p>She shrugged away his hand and kept dressing herself. "I won't leave him out there," she replied, emotion spilling out into her words.</p><p>Misha was silent. </p><p>"Anything could go wrong," she replied to his unspoken comment. Her voice cracked just a little as she continued, "Don't try to pretend you wouldn't be doing the same if you could."</p><p>Misha didn't reply but his hand was back on her shoulder, making her turn to face him. </p><p>He may have been unable to see her but his eyes looked deeper than just her expression. He saw <i>into</i> her. Her inner turmoil was reflected on his face as he gently squeezed her shoulder. Understanding and empathy radiated off him. He knew the price paid by those who lead. </p><p>"I have to stand by him." Her voice was barely a whisper. </p><p>The outer airlock door opened as Lu entered. Emma turned to see the storm descending upon the basin in the distance. She thought she saw a small white figure standing just on the edge before it was engulfed in the crimson tempest.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ram hadn't seen the storm until it was practically on top of him.</p><p>He'd been so focused on the damn ground. He stared at the encroaching wall of clouds with abject horror as he realized the sound he thought was feedback from his comms was actually the distant roar of gale force winds. He had immediately reported back to the Atlas but his comms were dead. Of course his comms were bloody dead. He turned back towards the Atlas, a little white splotch on the rusty landscape. It was too late to make it back. Once the storm hit he would be all but blind and the winds would almost certainly knock him off any attempted course.</p><p>He gave himself over to the fear as the storm descended upon him. He couldn't face it down. He let the terror paralyze him in place, looking towards the Atlas in the distance. He could reason that keeping his face away from the wall of debris flying in the wake of the storm was to protect his visor. That was sensible. Except the real reason was even simpler; that in his moment of panic he turned towards the only person who made him feel safe. As the storm surged into him he prayed Emma would stay put. </p><p>The stormfront hit Ram like a train and knocked him off his feet. Hard. He jerked his body and forced himself to land on his side, protecting his visor from hitting the ground. His shoulder felt a sickening pop. Ram's vision swam for a few minutes as he layed there, the storm raging around him.</p><p>Get up.</p><p>The winds buffeted him as he climbed back to his feet, clutching his arm to his chest. Pain throbbed out from his shoulder, the black dots around his vision threatening to envelope him.</p><p>Move. </p><p>He took an unsteady step, the wind carrying him forward. Then another. And another. He needed to keep moving, thoughts of his motionless body being buried by red debris fuelling his drive onwards. </p><p>Don't stop.</p><p>Every gust of wind sent pain through his dislocated shoulder, even with it pinned against his body using his good arm. Another step. He could handle the pain. Another step. He had felt worse. Another step.</p><p>He turned to look behind himself at the right moment for a rock to hit his reflective visor, sending a small crack across its face. Ram swung back around and froze. He didn't breathe. His shoulder forgotten for the moment he gently lifted the reflective visor and the crack moved with it. He exhaled. It hadn't cracked his actual visor, the one that sealed his oxygen in and the Martian atmosphere out. Relief flooded through him, quickly followed by a renewed drive to move forward, his back to the force blowing the storm forward. </p><p>Another step.</p><p>Walking gave him time to think and thinking distracted him from the pain in his shoulder and his own exceptionally fragile mortality. He thought of his last conversation with Emma, and even with the overwhelming danger of his situation heavy on his mind he still managed to feel his gut twist in shame.</p><p>He had stared death in the face today. That did things to a man, not the least of all was instill him with a healthy dose of perspective. It all just seemed so <i>obvious</i> to him now. His feelings for Emma hadn't been the reason her Hypoxia went unnoticed. It was him trying to pretend those feeling didn't exist. This excruciating attempt at professionalism was meaningless. He was miserable, and judging by the amount of time she spent whispering to the plants in the greenhouse so was she.</p><p>He was going to make it back. He was going to make it right.</p><p>Another step.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Emma had lost the ability to form a coherent thought. Her mind was just one idea condensed into a burst of raw unfiltered emotion after another, at light speed. The barest hint of focus directed her mind through every possible fate that had befallen Ram. While only minutes had passed since Lu opened the hatch Emma had existed for hours immobilized in anguish.</p><p>In the haze of her downward spiral she saw a glimmer of clarity and clung to it. A memory. </p><p>
  <i>"I'm gonna be fighting out there...</i>
</p><p>She inhaled. </p><p>
  <i>"I'm gonna be fighting to remain in the world with you."</i>
</p><p>She opened her eyes. </p><p>"I need every piece of rope, string, cord and wire we have on board. I don't care if you rip it out of the damn walls," she ordered the crew hovering around her. "And a flashlight."</p><p><i>She could fight, too</i>.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma stood bathed in the red light of the airlock with the crew's engineered lengthy tether coiled around her arm with another heap at her feet. In her other hand she carried a large flashlight. As the light flickered back to white she grabbed the handle of the outer door.</p><p>Keep calm. </p><p>She had to push against the door with her shoulder to get it open with the force of the wind behind it. Once open the wind caught it and slammed it against the outer hull of the Atlas. Red dust and sand swarmed the airlock around her. She pulled the heap of extensive tether outside with her and attached it to the bar outside the door, anchoring herself to the Atlas. She then pulled the door closed again and it echoed even in the sounds of the storm around her. </p><p>She turned to face the storm, sand and small stones battering her visor. She turned on the flashlight. It did little to light her path but she hoped it would act as a beacon in the storm for Ram to move towards if he could see it. If he was still alive to see it.</p><p>No.</p><p>He was out here. And she would find him.</p><p>She took a controlled step forward into the storm, her own determination rivalling the fury of the tempest around her. Progress was slow. There were a few tense moments when the winds picked up and pushed her backwards, threatening to throw her off her feet. She just grit her teeth as she hardened her resolve and carried on. Always forward. She walked directly into the storm, which had blown in directly behind Ram's position. At least the winds would he blowing him in the right direction. Towards the Atlas. Towards her.</p><p>Another step. </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Ram tried not to think about how hopeless his situation was. The sun was almost fully down now and without it the chances of him finding the Atlas were next to nothing. He could be on its doorstep and not even know, his vision so obstructed by sand and debris. He could have already passed it. He had no reference point to measure the distance he had covered already. </p><p>His shoulder throbbed, each step sending a little jolt of pain through him. Thoughts of being buried alive keep him moving. Thoughts of Emma gave him the strength to do it.</p><p>Another step.</p><p>In the distance he thought he caught a glimmer of... something. A light? It had been directly in front of him. He pushed forward with renewed fervor. It may have been a light from inside the Atlas or... or it might be Emma herself out in the storm. He broke out in a cold sweat looking through his cracked visor. That had only taken a moment. If she was out here she would be walking directly into the brute force of the wind and everything it had to throw against her. He cursed. </p><p>Another step. Faster now.</p><p>The light flashed in front of him again. Closer now. He felt its pull, as if he was being pulled by gravity towards a star. He was practically running, the wind pushing him forward at a reckless pace. The pain in his shoulder forgotten he made for the beacon with single-minded determination. He could make out a beam now, casting back and forth through the storm. </p><p>Then he saw her. Her suit was red with dust, her second visor down and hiding her face like his own just without the crack. A long rope trailing behind her. As he stumbled into view she turned the light on him. What a sight he must have made; cracked visor, arm clutched to his body, loping forward. She thrust her arm out towards him and he grabbed it, pulling her to him and pinning her hand and arm against his chest. His arm exploded in pain as it was abandoned to his side. He didn't care. He clung to her and fell to his knees, grateful for the reflective visor shielding his tears from her view. </p><p>He was going to live.</p><p>He felt a tug on his suit and looked down to see she had tethered him to her own suit. She pulled against his grip and got him to his feet. His bad arm hung at his side, each step sending shockwaves through his body but he didn't let go of her hand.  </p><p>Another step.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Emma wept. She wasn't entirely sure why, her emotions were as tumultuous as the commotion around them. Relief. Success at an impossible task. Sheer unadulterated <i>joy</i> paramount among them all. She held his hand tightly in her own, his grip mirroring hers.</p><p>She had radioed the crew already, their elation making her wince at the volume. Lu was in the airlock now, pulling back the rope that tethered her to the Atlas. She felt it tugging her forward, Ram in tow. </p><p>She wanted to hear his voice so badly, but without comms and the howling wind screaming around them she could only turn to look at him. His cracked visor had given her a fright, but appeared to only be damage to the reflective shield. The arm not connected to hers hung awkwardly at his side. He had been clutching it when he first stumbled into view but seemed to be ignoring it now. His suit was filthy, though her own was hardly white anymore either.</p><p>She squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. This little communication was all they had and she relished in the simplicity of it. The truth was she had no idea what she would say to him even with the opportunity, which was quickly approaching. The Atlas had to be close now. </p><p>He had made himself clear weeks ago following her incident. She wanted to respect that. She really did. Problem was that every moment she spent around him her resolve was on the verge of breaking. She wanted more. She wanted the easy smiles and laughter. She wanted the bond of shared experience. She wanted the electric intensity of his casual touch. His breath on her neck. His body against hers. She wanted <i>him</i>.</p><p>Her heart thudded in her chest as she finally admitted to herself just how deep her feelings for him actually were. A little piece of herself, carefully buried deep inside, flung back to the surface and brought with it the emotional onslaught of what losing someone as important to her as Ram was would have done to her. She trembled as she kept the sobs at bay from wracking her body.</p><p>She had almost lost him. <i>She had almost lost HIM.</i></p><p>In a panic she looked to her side. He was still here, she could feel his hand in hers. She kept her eyes locked on him as they walked and gradually the panic subsided. As she calmed she smiled at the incredulity of having these earth shattering revelations about their relationship only inches away from him. She was grateful there was no way he could somehow sense her thoughts and their... unprofessional nature. She jumped when he squeezed her hand at that very moment, irrational fear running through her that he had somehow <i>heard her</i>. He lifted their hands up in front of them.</p><p>The Atlas emerged from the storm before them.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This has been rewritten since I first posted Chapter 11. </p><p>It felt like it wasn't in sync with the rest of the story and was slowly driving me insane.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The trio stood in the airlock in silence catching their breath and listening to the storm still blowing against the outer hull. They had made it. Against all odds the plan had been a success. They were safe. Ram was still holding her hand tightly, anchoring herself to him. He slowly slid down till he was on his knees, sitting back on his heels. </p><p>Lu chimed in over the speaker, "Is he alright?"</p><p>Emma discarded the flashlight in the heap of makeshift tether at her feet and reached up with her free hand to lift her reflective visor. She turned to Ram, not hiding the extent of her concern. His torso turned towards her and he hesitantly let go of her hand to point towards his helmet before clutching his limp arm. </p><p>She reached out and carefully tilted his cracked visor up. He looked like hell, his weary features magnified in the red light. His jaw was clenched tight but his eyes were bright as he looked up at her. He gave her a pained smile and his mouth moved. </p><p>
  <i>"Thank you."</i>
</p><p>She let out a sigh as relief washed over her. He was okay. He was really okay.</p><p>The lights flashed back to white and Kwesi entered the airlock, Misha in tow. </p><p>"I've updated Ground about your success," the botanist announced. An uneasy look crossed his face as he looked at Ram huntched forward and he echoed Lu's concern, "Is he alright?"</p><p>Emma already had her gloves and helmet off. "One way to find out," she replied. She disengaged the lock on Ram's helmet and pulled it up and over his head. </p><p>All eyes were on him. No one breathed.</p><p>"I thought the spacewalk was bad," Ram said to no one in particular before he took in a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "I take it back," he muttered, "that was <i>so much worse</i> than a spacewalk."</p><p>Misha let out a throaty laugh, "Glad to have you back, Captain."</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>"How's the arm, Ram?" Emma didn't like the way he was favouring it.</p><p>"Dislocated when the stormfront hit," he replied turning to face her.</p><p>That meant he had chosen to leave his arm, no doubt in considerable pain, to hold on to her on their trek back to the Atlas. She tried to hide the grimace but Ram had clearly caught it when he added, "Don't worry, it'll be fine." That he winced while saying it wasn't entirely convincing.</p><p>Kwesi helped Ram get out of his suit while Emma scrambled out of hers. Ram let out a string of curses when they pulled his arm from the suit and poor Kwesi looked remarkably uncomfortable.</p><p>"Interesting," Misha said after Ram had finished, "I don't think I've heard that one before." </p><p>Ram leaned against the wall with his head back, cradling his arm now finally free of the suit. He laughed softly.</p><p>Emma kept glancing towards his shoulder, worried about the pain he was obviously in. She shared a look with Lu who nodded grimly. It needed to be taken care of. Ram looked down and saw their exchange. He sighed.</p><p>"Commander," he said quietly, "I could use a hand."</p><p>As she stepped forward towards him she steeled her nerves. Now wasn't the time to be distracted, though her mind felt plenty distracted regardless. Kwesi looked like he may pass out.</p><p>"If it's permittable I'll take my leave here," he said quickly, and ducked out of the room before anyone could reply.</p><p>Emma swallowed hard. "I could use a little guideance, never actually done this before." Ram nodded. </p><p>"Take the arm."</p><p>Emma gently took hold of his wounded arm and he carefully released his own hold on it. His skin was warm beneath her fingers.</p><p>"Hold it like this." He held out his good arm.</p><p>She trembled slightly and was certain Ram could tell she was trying to control her breathing. Her jaw tightened any time her movements resulted in so much as a twitch from him.</p><p>"And now lift like so." He modelled the lift, his arm was far more tense than a moment ago.</p><p>As she began to lift he winced and his good arm clenched. She froze and cursed her hands for shaking, no doubt adding to his pain. "Hold on," Ram said through gritted teeth. He had closed his eyes. He adjusted his footing bracing himself aganist the wall and placed his hand on her waist, steadying himself. Her breathing quickened. He nodded.</p><p>She continued to lift how he had shown her. As the joint popped back into place she felt it through his whole arm. His hand on her waist gripped her tightly, his breath exhaling in a sharp groan. </p><p>"Sorry," Emma said apologetically, "Never did have a light touch."</p><p>He opened his eyes again and released her waist. "You did great," he said, gingerly touching his shoulder and letting out another smaller groan. </p><p>Emma was still holding the wounded arm, unsure what to do. She carefully began to lower it and Ram moved his other arm to cradle it, his fingers grazing hers where she still held him. The contact sent a little thrill through her and she reluctantly surrended the arm back to him. </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>Ram was exhausted. A glance at the clock told him it was past midnight and he stifled a yawn. He watched Emma out of the corner of his eye. She had crossed her arms in front of her, holding tight to the part of her waist that he had been holding a moment ago. Even through his pain he had noticed her breathing hitch as he held her, and the way her fingers lingered on his arm as he had brushed against them. He suppressed the urge to close the distance between them. To be near her. To hold her. To-</p><p>He broke his train of thought as he noticed Lu eyeing him. He looked at her and she held his gaze, her expression uncharacteristically soft. </p><p>She turned to Misha. "I think it's time to get some sleep," she said simply. The cosmonaut agreed and stood to leave, moving alongside Lu. "Get some ice on that shoulder, Captain," he said as they left.</p><p>Ram and Emma stood in the empty room, finally alone.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Emma could feel her heartbeat echoing in her own ears against the still quiet that hung in the room since the rest of the crew left. Ram stared back at her wordlessly. The air between them was charged as the silence dragged on. Not with tension or unease but rather more like... Anticipation.</p><p>"Are you really alright?" Emma said softly, barely more than a whisper. "That... that must have been..." she trailed off.</p><p>Ram gave her a small smile and shrugged. Then winced. His smile turned sheepish, like a child caught bending the truth. He turned his gaze back towards the window behind her. </p><p>"It was..." he exhaled slowly, "it was terrifying. I thought- I thought I'd never..."</p><p>He paused and turned back to her, his eyes intense but inscrutable. Her attention dropped to his lips as he seemed about to speak again, shifting his body slightly towards her but the silence dragged on. Eventually his eyes broke from hers and he gently massaged his wounded arm.</p><p>"Misha was right," he said distractedly, "about the ice."</p><p>Emma had been holding her breath. She had thought... maybe he was going to say... no. He'd been through enough, she didn't need to be pushing him now to reevaluate his decisions. She pushed her thoughts aside. He was back. He was safe. He was <i>alive</i>. That was all that mattered. </p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>He couldn't bring himself to say it.</p><p>His mind rioted against his cowardice. He yearned to tell her that the thought of never seeing her again kept him fighting out there. That he despised himself for messing everything up. That he wanted to beg her forgiveness for pushing her away. That he would never be able to convey his gratitude for not only risking her own life to save his, but for giving him a reason to <i>want</i> to be saved.</p><p>Instead he talked about <i>ice</i>. How bloody appropriate.</p><p>He looked back as Emma moved. "Let's get you some ice then." She smiled as he met her gaze. God, she was beautiful. He just nodded. <i>Coward.</i></p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>They walked towards the med bay, an awkward tension growing between them. Emma discreetly watched him as they walked in silence. He seemed... angry? His brow was furrowed into a frown and he brought up his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He sighed. </p><p>"You okay?" She asked hesitantly. </p><p>He dropped his hand with a little start, his face regaining composure. He nodded, eyes forward. They arrived at the bay and she opened the door, letting Ram through first. She followed, and after a moment, turned to close the door behind them. </p><p>Ram had stopped in the middle of the room, facing away from her. She wanted to close the distance between them, both emotionally and physically. She suppressed a blush as she imagined wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her face against his back. <i>Let him be</i>.</p><p>She moved around him and began poking through drawers for an ice pack. Where was the blasted thing? She could feel his eyes oh her. Following her. Her heart increased its rhythm. <i>Focus.</i> And a sling. He'd need a sling. </p><p>As she found her objective she retrieved it from the back of the drawer and turned to hold it up triumphantly.</p><p>...and nearly dropped it.</p><p>Ram had removed his shirt and was in the process of awkwardly pulling it over his wounded shoulder. Emma froze, her prize dangling forgotten in her fingers. </p><p>"I... uh..." She swallowed hard, flustered. "You're..." Her mouth wasn't working. Her eyes certainly were, though.</p><p>She took in the scene before her. Ram was bare chested, his arm stretched across his torso, tugging at the fabric still wrapped around his injured shoulder. His normally flawless hair was dishevelled, no doubt from pulling the shirt over it. She could make out the muscles and tendons in his hand and forearm, gently flexing while they worked. Hair ran across his chest. Her eyes followed it down, noticing how his stomach rose and fell while he breathed. Just above his belt she could make out a little trail of hair descending from his navel.</p><p>Her brain kicked back into function and she pulled her eyes away. Too late. Ram was watching her, a small smirk on his face. She could feel the blush claiming her cheeks and she turned away quickly. </p><p>"Sorry, I didn't..." her voice trailed off. Her body was on fire. She closed her eyes and her mind just replayed the images again. Not helping. As she opened them she heard him take a step towards her. A shiver ran through her involuntarily.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>The temperature in the room felt like it had risen a few degrees. The sudden tension in the air palpable. He let in a breath as he took another step towards her, discarding his shirt on the floor. There had been no mistaking that look in her eyes, and his body moved of it's own accord to close the distance between them. </p><p>"I, I didn't see..." she said haltingly. He could see the blush reaching the backs of her cheeks, spreading to her ears. </p><p>He was just behind her now. He paused, his own breathing heavy. Just one small motion and he could swipe her hair aside and press his lips to her neck...</p><p>She turned suddenly, backing up and bumping into the drawers behind her. She didn't meet his gaze, and held up something in her hand between them. A sling. He looked from the sling to her, and back again.</p><p>"For your shoulder." She said abruptly, looking up at him through her lashes quickly before darting to the side and furiously ripping apart velcro straps.</p><p>Huh.</p><p>He turned to watch her as she slowly regained her composure fighting with the velcro. He smiled softly, it was endearing. Seeing his unflappable commander this... ruffled. </p><p>Once it was undone she eyed him, cautiously. He was tempted to tease her, but he didn't dare. He turned his shoulder towards her, gently lifting the arm from his torso, and nodded.</p><p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p>She approached again slowly, not unlike a wary animal. What was <i>wrong</i> with her. Her hands shook. He just seemed... bemused. Her heart raced in her chest. She held out the sling and gingerly slid it onto his arm, carefully not touching her fingers to his skin. <i>Focus</i>. Her cheeks still felt hot and he could undoubtably still see the treacherous blush. She wouldn't meet his gaze while she worked lest she get... distracted.</p><p>Once his arm was in the sling she collected the straps in her hand. She took a deep breath to steady herself and reached across his chest to attach them behind his neck. He lowered his head to allow her to slip the strap behind him and she felt his breath against her check. Surely he could hear her heartbeat thundering away this close. If she just tilted her face a fraction to the side she could-</p><p>
  <i>Focus.</i>
</p><p>She smoothed out the strap across his chest and felt the hairs there tickling her fingers. He shifted beneath the sling, adjusting to its presence. He nodded in approval. </p><p>With the sling attached she stood frozen without any purpose to distract herself further. Her entire body was actively doing it's best to betray her and Ram had certainly caught it all. She watched the way his breathing quickened as they stood, paralyzed. The tension between them was threatening to combust them both right there in the med bay.</p><p>She let her gaze finally meet his.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ram looked down at Emma, allowing his expression to mirror the yearning he felt. There was no more concealing his feelings from her, masking them behind a facade of duty or professionalism. He wanted her. He had wanted her for so long, longer than he dared admit to himself. He stood before her now, vulnerable to rejection, his emotions raw and exposed across his face. He would give her this last out before... he couldn't let himself imagine it. Not yet.</p>
<p>He didn't move. He didn't breathe. He waited.</p>
<p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p>
<p>She held his gaze, unperturbed by its intensity. He didn't move, his entire body a statue before her. He was waiting for her to make a decision before he acted. Everything had come down to this moment.</p>
<p>Would she decide to shut this down once and for all? Before either of them acted on this momentum building between them. Before anything happened they couldn't take back. She could think of a thousand reasons she should and yet... she could also decide to relinquish herself to the current pulling her towards him and let it carry her wherever it may.</p>
<p>She stared back at him, grappling with her own desires and duty. His face was so earnest, so sincere. This wasn't some conquest for him, not that she ever really thought it was. He would be by her side, having her back, whether or not she turned him away right now. He wouldn't leave her until she sent him away.</p>
<p>And so she made her decision.</p>
<p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p>
<p>Taking a steading breath, her hands gently moved from his chest up past his collarbone and around the back of his neck until they laced into his hair. Ram closed the gap between them in a fluid movement, letting his body meld against hers. He brought his hand up to her waist again, this time allowing his thumb to caress her side. She pulled her face closer, eyes dropping from his as she looked to his lips, which slightly parted as he inhaled heavily.</p>
<p>"Emma," he breathed.</p>
<p>Her lips met his, soft and sure. Ram closed his eyes and was swallowed up in the moment and let his senses roam, absorbing everything. The feel of his heart beating along with hers. The smell of her hair. The way her hands twisted and gripped his hair as their kiss deepened. The sweet taste on her lips. He even resented his injury for restraining his hand across his chest, not only creating distance between them but trapping his hand from exploring her form. His free hand moved up her back, pressing her to him with growing urgency.</p>
<p>Her forearm pressed into him and knocked his shoulder. It was slight, but it elicited a small wince in response. Emma broke the kiss, pulling away in concern, her breathing hitched and ragged. </p>
<p>"I'm fine," Ram panted. </p>
<p>In truth it had barely hurt and Ram would have gleefully ripped the entire arm off in that moment if it meant he could keep kissing her. Emma pulled back regardless, shaking her head and letting her hands slip from his hair to rest against his chest.</p>
<p>"It's been a long day," Emma breathed. </p>
<p>Ram reluctantly relinquished his grip on her back, though she made no move to put any space between them. "Best day of my life," he replied quietly, still a little out of breath and giving her waist an affectionate squeeze. That earned him a smile.</p>
<p>The pair fell silent, still catching their breath and lost to their own thoughts.</p>
<p>&gt;&gt;&gt;</p>
<p>Emma felt lighter, the stress of the day melting away from her. No, the stress of the entire last year. Here, wrapped against Ram, she felt <i>safe</i>. Like nothing could harm her. She sighed peacefully and rested the side of her face against his chest. Her hands dropped to wrap around his waist, slipping them across the smooth skin on his back. Ram tensed slightly, her fingertips no doubt tickling him, but as he relaxed he leaned forward to rest his mouth against her forehead, giving it a small kiss.</p>
<p>A distant part of her mind shouted. She knew her decision would come with consequences, but for the moment she allowed herself to push the thought aside. This close she could hear his heartbeat, fast and strong. She let herself get lost in it.</p>
<p>Consequences could wait until tomorrow.</p>
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